Friday, April 23, 2010

In a nutshell...

I'm lousy at introductions. I'm me, your hostess. I have a mother, a father, and a brother. Incidentally, I also have a nephew, with whom I'm positively smitten. I have pets, and a job.

I grew up 1000+ miles away from here. I've been here for about 4 years now.

My family is what we will call aesthetically Jewish. Nominally, we were Reform. My mother converted sometime after her and my dad were married. We went to the local JCC, my brother and I were in BBYO, and our family was observant of the holidays that typical Reform families deem more important than the rest. My brother and I both have tattoos, and my brother's son is being raised a Catholic.

I might sound a bit bitter about my upbringing, but really, I'm not. It shaped me into the person I am today.

When I moved here, I felt very isolated from my family. The city I'm in does have a sizable Jewish population, but the part of town I live in does not. And in all that, I realized how, even though I never felt particularly "Jewish" that label was a very important one to me. So I started studying. And I studied more. One of the first things I learned - that I wasn't Jewish after all - was a pretty big blow, but it did not make me feel any less connected to the Jewish people.

Ultimately, this course of study has brought me to where I am today, as I restart this blog. I'm on my journey to conversion. When I first realized the path I was walking down last year, I thought I would have come a lot further by now than I have. My greatest obstacle right now is not knowing quite where I fit yet. It's not unusual for someone in my position to seek conversion, but all the same, I don't fit in with the secular community, I don't fit in with the religious communities of other faiths, and I don't quite fit in with the community I feel the most a part of. And besides all that, ideologically on a lot of issues, I know I fit in even less with the community I'm looking for a corner to call my own in. It's a confusing place to be. I am hoping that this blog, amongst other things, will help that and more.